You’re still goin’ strong Written on November 20, 2008, by admin.

So I have been to through the majority of missouri in the past two weeks. From Columbia, St. Louis, and Kansas City. The Edward Jones Interview went alright even though the interviewer had no clue what a subnet was. Times like this make me want to start my own company instead of jumping through hoops. Also it makes me sad of how much I have forgotten/still need to learn. Although in the end I know I am doing better than other Computer majors.

Lately I have been playing Left 4 Dead I am tempted to buy it but 40 dollars is a bit much.

Beer Club has started and I gave Stella Artois a 6.5 it was alright nothing epic.

Also I have my blog set to the Hello Dolly plugin.
This is not just a plugin, it symbolizes the hope and enthusiasm of an entire generation summed up in two words sung most famously by Louis Armstrong: Hello, Dolly. When activated you will randomly see a lyric from Hello, Dolly in the upper right of your admin screen on every page. By Matt Mullenweg.

I found this poem and I thought I would give it some food for thought.

William Ernest Henley. 1849–1903

Invictus

OUT of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

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Image Dump II Written on November 15, 2008, by admin.

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Star Struck Written on November 11, 2008, by admin.

So for the past few days I have been flustered busy. Lots of appointments to keep and things to do. Also Places to go. Speaking of that tomorrow I leave for St. Louis for an Interview on Thursday with Edward Jones. Itinerary goes as follows:
8:00 am – Candidate Arrival

8:15 am-9:00 am – Welcome breakfast with past interns/co-ops

9:00 am-11:45 am – Interviews

11:45 am-12:45 pm – Lunch with past interns/co-ops

12:45 pm-1:45 pm – Tour of the Data Center

1:45 pm-2:00 pm – Wrap-up and candidate departure

I was going crazy with finding out I had to fill out application information that I should have filled out weeks ago but my mind has been somewhere else lately. So I filled it all out and faxed it to find out I could have just brought it with me. I just hate the conflicted feelings I have about things which makes me apathetic about what I am doing in life. Point being.
1. If I get the job then I will be paying for 2 apt. rents (Springfield and St. Louis)
2. It would look good on a resume and experience.
3. It would bury cerner/WOF.
4. I already have a job here which covers summer.
5. I could be stuck doing programming.

So either way I don’t care either way. So in the end I am not putting my heart into it. As much as I love Missouri and Kansas City I have decided I want to get away ASAP. I have been looking at jobs in Portland, OR and Scottsdale/Phoenix, AZ area as a nice place to live away from here.

Next I might be going to KC for a Chiefs game on Sunday… Long story basically roommates dad is in the hospital and has an extra ticket and it is a nice gesture.

So I installed Windows XP French edition and I opened up an iMac G5 to replace a power supply (fun stuff). I also got 2 new tires and a tire rotation for the great price of $230 putting me further in the hole. Other than that I am downloading the movie Garden Party. And I have found a new love for Bob Dylan. I don’t think my plant likes the cold weather. I am really trying to care for this plant as much as I can so if it dies my life sucks.

So, Take Her Wrap, Fellas Written on November 9, 2008, by admin.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Currently Watching
Clerks (10th Anniversary Edition)
By Brian O’Halloran
see related
hrmmm Starbucks tonight and Shat… Then The Ring 2 ooohhh Scary i’m shivering right now… But hey I’ll be with Camille so that shall be the gooder….

Okay try going to 2 hardcore concerts and being in the pits in 2 days how would you feel… Hmmm My nose is stuffy and my muscles ache other than that i’m pretty damn good.

I don’t know about my new layout
1. I HATE APPLE CRAP
2. It’s too small it hurts teh eyes
3. I didn’t make it some AZN guy did
4. I wish It had my avatar and crap on the side
5. Oh well

I WaNT To WaSTe SoMe TiMe WiTH You

Sunday, November 13, 2005

What an interesting night. Here’s what happened in order:

1. Bought cute Senses Fail shirt with a pink Godzilla on it.
2. Went in the mosh pit during Emanual. It was good. We got pretty darn close to the stage.
3. About half way through Early November, while moshing, I happened to fall down. While I’m down on the ground I manage to get trampled, lose my shoes, see my life pass before my eyes, grab at some guy’s crotch, and stop breathing.
4. The rest of my life is ruined until Buddy (lead singer of Senses Fail) comes up to me and gives me a hug and autographs my CD and new shirt.
5. I find one of my shoes with one of the bouncers and the other one in the middle of the dance floor after the concert was finished.

Yeah. I’d say it was a damn good night that ended with amazing sex.

I love you, JD!!!!

-Cami

p.s. Number 4 isn’t really true, I just thought I’d add that in for a little juice up.

Crossing The Border Written on November 9, 2007, by admin.

Good weekend… Fulfilling yet relaxing. I have really noticed how the scene has changed. From the old days of The Spitfire to The Granada and the last days of the X’s on my hands. The Fluffer bands that remind me of the early days of Senses Fail. As for SF themselves they played most of their old stuff to prove the fact that their new tracks suck.

I lost my debit card… So I have 60 dollars to last me two weeks. Let’s see how I do. Then again I really need/want to buy a new office chair.

I spent the last year paying a stranger to listen.
To childhood thoughts about the love I am missing.

I’ve fallen for one of the oldest tricks in the book,

150.199.20.169 Written on November 8, 2008, by admin.

As Oliver Trager writes, this song of fading love is “a restless, forlorn ballad for the ages and sages - a classic Dylan tale of two lovers, a crossroads, and the open sea…” In the second to last verse, Dylan realizes that despite his pleading, his lover will not be returning to him: “Well, if you, my love, must think that-a-way/I’m sure your mind is roamin’/I’m sure your heart is not with me/But with the country to where you’re goin’.” This song encapsulates that gut-wrenching moment when you come to understand that the person you love has drifted away, leaving you longing and heartbroken.

So I downloaded Foxy Shazam and Sky Eats Airplane. It sort of makes me remember the early days of Senses Fail also the scene back in the day.

Also I watched the movie Bigger Stronger Faster* The side effects of being American. It was pretty cool.

The truth is, even if you read to your wife and child some night. You read them a
lullaby. And the next morning, you wake up but your family doesn’t. You lie in bed, still
curled against your wife. She’s still warm but not breathing. Your daughter’s not crying.
The house is already hectic with traffic and talk radio and steam pounding through the
pipes inside the wall. The truth is, you can forget even that day for the moment it takes to
make a perfect knot in your tie.
This I know. This is my life.
You might move away, but that’s not enough. You’ll take up a hobby. You’ll bury
yourself in work. Change your name. You’ll cobble things together. Make order out of
chaos. You’ll do this each time your foot is healed enough, and you have the money.
Organize every detail.
This isn’t what a therapist will tell you to do, but it works.

No Joy In Mudville Written on November 7, 2008, by admin.

“Only when the last tree has withered, the last fish has been caught, and the last river’s been poisoned, will man realize we cannot eat money.”

So I have been looking into finding a new hobby. I mean Computers are getting a little boring and I am thinking about changing my major to Anthropology. My choices of hobbies are.

Building a regulation beerpong table and either use it or sell it.
Cooking has been a hobby but a little expensive.
I could brew my own beer/hard liqour. (a little scary in an apartment)
I could buy a new book.
Watching a lot of documentaries.

The other thing I am thinking about is a second job. Family video is hiring and Wesley Methodist Church is hiring for a janitor. I need another job for more money because I am slowly slipping into debt and something to do instead of sitting at my computer programming all day.

Also check this link out

10 Songs that Make Me Cry

Also I have been reading the wikipedia about adrenaline.
It increases heart rate and stroke volume, dilates the pupils, and constricts arterioles in the skin and gastrointestinal tract while dilating arterioles in skeletal muscles. It elevates the blood sugar level by increasing catabolism of glycogen to glucose in the liver, and at the same time begins the breakdown of lipids in fat cells. Like some other stress hormones, epinephrine has a suppressive effect on the immune system.[5]

You’re still glowin’, You’re Still Crowin’ Written on November 4, 2008, by admin.

This is what I hate about the whole fact. That not nice guys try to hit on you and yes I am happy you didn’t respond to it but also saddened by the fact that you were still there. I hate when girls complain about guys hitting on them but say they did nothing to lead them on. The simple fact is that you do. It is the mere fact of being there that you lead them on. Guys will keep trying and keep trying until they get what they want especially with a girl. The only time we stop is when we get yelled at. We might no it’s wrong the first few times but when know in our minds it is right but do not take into account what the girl TRULY feels.

Take me for instance all the times I have tried things with you have stopped it then I keep going until you finally forcefully stop me. As you know I finally stop. Saddened by the fact that I think I am right I accept you judgment and wait for another day. Although the next day takes forever or never comes (because we could barely see each other).

It pains me because I’ve been through this soo many times. Cami with this guy or that guy while we dated and even after i heard the story wondering “what if” or “why”. Such as why did she give into his advances? What would make some douchebag hit on her? Why really happened/What could have happened?

And it sucks for me thinking I’m a sucker. Because although they/you didn’t do much of anything there is that feeling that it really could have happened. So I think here I am being the nice guy that could have been everything and did nothing wrong. Nor do I do that to any girl (mainly because it is not in my nature). So I am filled with rage at brad/any guy who does that and deeply depressed that you/the girl could even be involved and didn’t stop it before/immediately.

jealousy sucks so much. As you can tell we are so wrong for each other it seems right but in the end it’s still a train wreck. It just sucks I can’t be there to protect you. I think that is what I feel is the loss of protection/being there.

I cannot keep going without thinking about you and I have known all along the only way to stop it is to either end up with you or end it all. And I mean sever everything. As you know the first option didn’t work out so i have been to the ledge of complete darkness from you but I cannot make the final leap.

story: so there is this girl who went to Northtowne and graduated last year from IB program. She is your A-typical trashyish Northtowne girl with daddy issues. She was attracted to me for a good week while drinking. One night it was 3 am and everyone was about to pass out at the robert’s party. So robert had this one girl in his bed, my friend brett had this girl on the couch, and I was in a chair with this girl. I knew brett and robert wanted their space and I wanted to go home. The fact still remained that the northtowne girl was too drunk to drive and she could not stay at roberts because the couch was taken. So I took her home with me. I gave her some gym shorts to wear and crawled into bed. We leisurely talked and then she jumped on top of me and we kissed but I knew 1. it was fucking late and I want sleep 2. I was not at all attracted to the girl and 3. I didn’t want to sleep with a friend let alone I didn’t have condoms. So I knew this wasn’t going anywhere. So I stopped and went to sleep. I woke up and had the common decency to make breakfast from scratch. Then drove her to her car. I just know I cannot go through with anything unless I like the girl. As you can see I cannot use a girl. So I can’t stand it when girls get used or even remotely used.

I may be an asshole but you know deep down what I really am. Fucking diatribes.

Let The Right One In Written on November 3, 2008, by admin.

Oscar, an overlooked and bullied boy, finds love and revenge through Eli, a beautiful but peculiar girl who turns out to be a vampire.

This was a great movie. I am talking baller here. Not epic. I just loved very deranged love stories for some reason.

Also I am thinking I really want a Keffiyeh or in English terms a Shemagh. It is a desert scarf that you can wrap around your head if you want. This is my excuse for not buying a fedora. Although I do not want to pay more than 15 dollars for a piece of cloth.

I’ll take you to the top,
Of this building and just push you off.
Run down the stairs so I can see your face
As you hit the street,

Halfway Home Written on November 1, 2008, by admin.

I need answers

A Non Objective Portrait of Karma Written on October 28, 2008, by admin.

I have hit a wall in what I am currently working on. I was so motivated and laid out everything I need to do so I can be ready for it when it comes. There is a part of me that says I will be alright (not fine) just passable in life. Thus far it has served me correct. I am skating by life on the seat of my pants and just skating. So I am passing my classes but just barely. I have no clue how to get out of this funk.

Is it crazy to drive 2 hours by myself on a trip i’ve never been for reasons that I am not sure it. So do I still go and for what reasons. It’s harder when things get more complicated.

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